ihavepmsagain

I know it seems like a million years since I last had a decent blog and it seems like a long time since I even had time to actually sit down and have some ME time. Life in London is just crazy, every single day is just jammed pack with stuff to do. Frankly speaking, I have no idea what I am really busy with, oh well, I’m just good at finding excuses in every single thing that I do I suppose.

Time really flies, I’ve actually been living in London for 8 months now. It seems like yesterday when I just left Singapore!!! Life here is great in a certain way, I like the fact that not many people know me here and people just leave me alone. I like that fact that I’m enjoying my solitarity and learning more about myself each day. I like the fact that I’m starting to take more control of my life and being more independent.

The downside is that I really really miss my friends in Singapore. I guess the saying is right, you can never have the best of both worlds. I just want to say I’m sorry to my friends back home that I’ve been selfish and when I had to choose between my friends and learning to be independent, I chosen the latter.

However, I’ll back soon. Booked my tickets and it’s all confirmed that I’ll be back on the 14 of June!!! I can’t wait to be back and there are so much things I want to do and so many people I want to meet.

Today marks a new start of me blogging again. There’ll be more to come…hopefully….

First day back at work was great even though I only managed to grab lunch at 4.00p.m. But at least I managed to leave office at a much more decent time today. Thank God!! It was really nice to hear your colleagues telling you how much they missed me when I was away in Paris…it certain made my day.

Was chatting with JC today via email and I was telling her that I feel much more happier now even though I’m single cos I think a sort of given up hope on certain things in life and learn to look at things and situation with a different perspective.

I realize that when I learn to take things easy, the world seems like a more nice and happier place to be in. I also realize that I’m beginning to be happy for every little things happening in my life and ignore the shit happening in my life.
Tracy is changing to be a happier person or this is the real Tracy that is back?

Anyway I’m just in a happy stage in my life. Shit still happens but I still feel the joy which is good.

What doesn’t kill me truly makes me stronger!!

I dont wanna lose you,
I dont wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And I dont wanna hate you
I dont wanna take you
But I dont wanna be the one to cry
That dont really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door

But theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
Theres a reason why people dont stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just aint enough

Now I could never change you
I dont wanna blame you
Baby you dont have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking somethings gonna change

But theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
Theres a reason why people dont stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just aint enough

And theres no way home
When its late at night and youre all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where I used to lay

And theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart they cant touch.
Theres a reason why people dont stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just aint enough.
Baby sometimes love just aint enough.

Sometimes Love Just Ain\’t Enough

Im not a girl, not yet a woman

I used to think
I had the answers to everything
Mm but now I know
That life doesnt always go my way. yeah
Feels like Im caught in the middle
Thats when I realize

Im not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While Im in between
Im not a girl

There is no need to protect me
Its time that i
Learned to face up to this on my own
Ive seen so much more than you know now
So dont tell me to shut my eyes

Im not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While Im in between
Im not a girl

But if you look at me closely
You will see it in my eyes
This girl will always find her way

Im not a girl
Im not a girl dont tell me what to believe
Not yet a woman
Im just tryin to find the woman in me, yeah
All I need is time
Whoa, all I need is time…
A moment that is mine
… thats mine
While Im in between
Im not a girl
Not yet a woman
Not now
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While Im in between

Im not a girl

Ooooh, not yet a woman

I\’m not a girl not yet a woman

I’m finally on par to where I am in London right now, the past few posts generally sums up what has happened to me in London so far.

I just came back from Paris with Chelsea today and Miss Lim is already sound asleep, so I’ll only be able to upload the photos taken in Paris tomorrow.

In short, Paris is pretty romantic and laid back. It’s so freaking cold there!! I’m just so glad to be back in London which is now I called home and Chelsea shares the same opinion too.

Goodnight

I’ve made so many new friends in London!! Neil introduced me to Mod and then through Mod I made so many new friends. Clubbing in London is so much fun!! Here are some of the photos taken during the nights out with the gang.

Tracy and Barry at Little Nick’s party

Tracy and Max at Little Nick’s party

The gang without Olly

Me, Linda, Mod, Karen and Nicola

This is my favorite photo!!

Me, Nicola, Karen, Mod and Olly

Me and Nicola at her party

Me, Mod and Linda

Me and Olly at Mod’s party (I hate this photo, I look so ugly!!)

Frankly speaking, when I reached London, I didn’t feel scared anymore. Not sure if it’s for the fact that Neil was with me or the fears just left me. I felt really happy and comfortable being in London. It’s not really that scary at all.

First day at work, Paul my boss came to the office lobby to fetch me and entrusted me to Ed who is my supervisor to look after me. All in all, my colleagues are really nice and I got along really well with everyone. The intern in my team even said he can’t believe this is my first time in Europe cos I behaved like I’ve stayed here all my life. Maybe my ability to adapt to a new environment is a lot stronger than I thought.

I felt that I’ve become the independent Tracy again. I used to be so independent in the past before I met Siva who completely changed my life. This time round, I’m not going to let anyone or anything take that independence from me again. By saying this, Mr Ling and I have parted ways. I don’t really want to go into details of what happen but I’ll always love him but now I guess I’ve to love him in a different way.

I guess he is right, I’m not ready for a relationship and through the ups and downs we had in the past, it’s not been easy for me to carry on. Mr Ling has been great in so many ways but at the same time, I’ve been hurt in certain ways too. It’s not anyone’s fault but I guess the timing is really wrong. Who knows, maybe our paths will cross again.

I have faith in God to bring the right man into my life and if Mr Ling is the right man, our paths will definitely cross again.

It’s never easy to say goodbye to your loved ones and leaving them behind for a foreign country you have never been to. I felt really really scared going to London, as much as many people think that I’m very brave to take this step in my life. Trust me, I have my doubts and my fears too. I’m afraid of not being able to make new friends even though people around me have complete faith that this will never be an issue but to me, you never know do you.

I thought I won’t cry cos I was smiling all the way from home to the airport, but after I checked in, I just broke down and cry. I felt really scared but I know this is something that I’ve been always wanted to do, to me it’s really now or never. I told myself that I’ve to brave no matter what happens in London. I’ve my uncertainties and the only thing that keeps me going on at this point is the fact that my good friend Neil will be fetching me from the Heathrow Airport!! At least there is someone I know in London…Thank God…

This is a really late post of what has been happening in my life recently. In a nutshell, a lot has happen in my life. I’ll try my very best to explain all in the next few post to all those who loved me and still loves me. I’ve been requested to update my blog by so many that I felt really bad that I haven’t had the chance to do it till now. Even now, it’s almost midnight in London and I’m feeling pretty tired but I know I have to do this.

So here is goes, I was still working my ass off on my last day in Credit Suisse Singapore and before I left the office, I made sure that I took photos of fellow colleagues as a memory that I had with them!! After the photo taking, I just can’t bear to leave the office. I stayed till around 8.30p.m. before saying the final goodbye to my colleagues and it’s going to be a really long time before I’ll be back in Singapore to meet them again. I just hope that they don’t forget me and don’t forget the joy we shared working together.

Here are some of the photos taken:

Ok there are lots more photo but I’m really sleepy now. Please check them out on my facebook…please forgive me.

Good night.

It’s 2 days before I leave and I just had to meet up with Miss Wong during my last 2 days in Singapore!! Woke up pretty late today and feeling kind of lost. Actually, I’ve been having this lost feeling for quite a while but generally, once I’ve gotten out of bed and get on with my life, it gets better as I know I have stuffs to do.

Finally brought my skirt for alteration at the school that I used to attend and told my ex-teacher that I’m leaving Singapore this Wednesday. She gave me her email address and wished me luck. I’m due to pick up my skirt from her tomorrow and it cost me only SGD5.00. I wonder if I could ever get such cheap alteration service in London. Sigh…I think I would have to get used to spending a lot more in UK as compared to Singapore for the same things that I’m buying.

I also managed to buy the big zip lock bag used for storing and compressing my clothing’s in order for everything to fit into my luggage before heading to Miss Wong’s place. It’s been ages since I last step foot at her place. However, the moment I am at her place, memories of us spending quality times during our childhood days just flooded my brain. Although much of the furniture arrangement has changed but the familiarity of everything still exist. Faith was during her homework while Miss Wong and I tried to sort out our webcam function on our lappie to ensure that everything works out fine before I leave Singapore. Unfortunately, her MACBOOK doesn’t seems to support SKYPE nor MSN. I’m not quite sure how we can work this out, I shall try downloading ichat and see if we could video conference each other that way.

Took photos of Miss Wong and her lovely daughter Faith and also did some video shooting of Faith playing her violin. She looks so cute with her violin and did an amazing job playing it. I asked Miss Wong if she had anything to say to me before I leave and all she could say is "Quickly come back!!" Hehehe….We were all hunger, so I demanded Miss Wong to cook her famous eggs and cheese omelet for us. The whole cooking process is really tedious considering she only fried an egg. Firstly, she’ll place newspaper all over the stove and after she is done with cooking, she started mopping the end kitchen floor!! No wonder she doesn’t cook that often at home. If I had to do so much chores just for flying an egg, seriously making a phone call for takeaway service seems much more effortless and enticing.

Met up with Mr Ling around 7.30p.m. at the New York New York restaurant at AMK Hub for dinner with Miss Wong and Faith. The reason why we chosen this place is because we are curious to see how big is this "Big Yankee’s Burger" and it was really really huge!! We also ordered buffalo wings for Faith as it’s one of her favorite dish!! Mr Ling was late and Faith kept telling us the buffalo wings are getting cold. Poor Faith couldn’t have her buffalo wings, not until Mr Ling showed up!! After having the burger and buffalo wings, the four of us shared an ice-cream with waffles dessert that was really yummy before calling the night.