ihavepmsagain

after so long…i’ve finally decided to cut my hair short!!!
and guess what…i love the way it looks now…
it’s a bob hairstyle…behind is short…but i’ve managed to kept the sides long…
hard to explain though…
all i can say is that….I LOVE IT…I LOVE IT…
for anyone who is interested in cutting your hair…i strongly recommend the hairstylist "Maryann" from ProTrim at causeway point…
it cost me 30bucks but it’s definitely worth the money…
for those who have known me…knows that i’ve kept my hair long for about 6 years now…
i’ve really really long hair…
i was kinda of worried in cutting it short…but i just have a very strong urge for a change…
maybe it’s because too many things have happened in my life recently that cause for that urge or maybe because i wanna give myself a short haircut as a birthday present…
i’ve always wanted to have a short hairstyle but never have the courage to do it….
but i’m glad i finally did…and when i look at my hair now..i was thinking…what took me so long to cut my hair short…
maybe some of you might not like the "NEW" tracy look…but i don’t care…I LOVE IT

suddenly i’m desperate for a drink….had about 5 glasses of screwdrivers and i’m still asking for more…
haha…
ben tai definitely makes a good drinking buddy…constantly reminding you that you can drink more than what you already have…
despite my needs for a drink…i’ve been cautious of how much i’m intaking…
i was kind of surprise by myself…i usually never give second thoughts about alcohol…but last night…i  was telling myself that i have had enough…it’s gonna affect my running..haha
i’ve change from a alcoholic to a runaholic…
hmmm…guess it’s a good change after all…maybe i’ll be able to quit smoking completely too…

Hi everyone,

I would like to bring your attention to a very cool website:

http://www.nikerunning.com.sg/v4/

This is actually a website created by the brilliant Nike Team, the theme of this website is, "I AM A RUNAHOLIC".Basically, you can register and be a runaholic for free in this website. The only requirement is that you must have the passion for running. In the website, you would get to meet other runaholics and know more about their running routines, their running abilities etc…It also provides you with trainings, info with routes that you can run and many more…

If you are a runaholic, you would love this website…and even if you are not, you can always check out this really really cool site…So what are you waiting for…Hope to see more of you there…

Others run to live. I live to run.
I believe in fuelling my urge. Giving into my need for the run.
I have an addiction. But I do not have a problem.
Running is my vice. I am here to seek the truth.
I am a runaholic.

kinda of regret taking up CFA…cos i’m losing focus in my studies now…
haiz…i haven’t even touched my books at all ever since the breakup..
i’m definitely not using that as an excuse for not studying..i know the main reason is that i’m plain lazy..whenever i look at the amount of stuffs that i’m suppose to cover..i feel so tired and wanna sleep…
damn…got to buck up..must study liao…cannot give myself anymore excuses…

went for my jog last night and managed to fall asleep at about 4.30am…
forced myself to wake up at 9.30am this morning cos i’m suppose to meet Soo Mui at 11.00am for a swim at Marina Mandarin Hotel…told myself to take the train…
haiz…but eventually i still took a cab…
these days…taking train is such a rare thing to do already…constantly taking a cab…
too lazy…arh……i need a car!!!!
both of us were late…as usual…managed to crawl to the pool by 11.45am…
started swimming for about 15 mins and it started to rain…
haiz…but at least did 14 laps…though the pool is really really small…it is definitely less than 700m..damn…not very efficient…didn’t really get the workout i intended to do…haha but at least got the courage to wear my bikini…it’s my first experience with a bikini..thank God it didn’t fall off while i was swimming…i kinda of like the whole bikini thingy these days…
hmm…should go back there again this weekend to get myself a nice tan…
well…in the end…i think the time we took to shower and dressed up is definitely more than the time we took to swim…hee hee
but it’s a nice place after all…got to check out the gym the next time we’re there…

i’m so confused right now…what do i really want??
i really have a problem with differentiating loneliness from true love..
what am i feeling right now…is it loneliness or is it true love..
i do not wanna hurt him again…
someone please tell me what am i feeling exactly…
i guess i’m not emotionally ready…yet i’m afraid to let go of what is really good..
could he has also changed??
could he has fallen for another gal who is much better than me over these 3 months apart??
i can’t believe it if it is true…maybe i’m running away from reality again..
maybe he has really moved on…
what should i do??
it’s such a shitty feeling…

It’s sad that things turn out the way it did…and i know it’s all my fault…
i was the one who was unfaithful and wanted to end things…yet right now…i simply can’t get over him..what is wrong with me…
It’s been 3 months since we parted ways…even though we were still talking to each other once in awhile after the breakup…
Recently he has decided to keep his distance…(he said he was busy)…not sure if this is just an excuse or rather a very polite way to explain his actions in order not to hurt my feelings..
i’ll rather choose to believe the latter as i know how kind he is…i’ve always know how nice he is to me and yet i didn’t cherish it…
i was too weak…i was so easily tempted…when i look back…goodness…i still can’t believe i hurt him so badly…i’m seeking for a second chance which i don’t deserve…
Seems to me that he has moved on…and this is something that i find it hard to accept…i admit that i am a very selfish person in this aspect…i just can’t forget him..
i’ve been dreaming about him so much so that i feel scared to fall asleep sometimes..cos i’m afraid to dream about him again and waking up to reality knowing that he is no longer mine..
what a foolish person i have become in letting such a nice man slip away…
There saying always goes.."Time heals all wounds"…but maybe this is a wound that i’m not allowing time to heal…
i called him again today…not expecting him to pick up my call as usual…(he hasn’t answer my call for quite a while alraeady) i was just trying my luck…surprisingly he did…upon hearing his voice…a simple "Hi" brought tears to my eyes…for the very first time…i felt that a simple "Hi" could mean so much…
Me:     Hi
Him:    Hi, I’m having my lunch right now.
Me:    Where are  you having your lunch??
Him:    At home, can i call you back when i’m done with lunch??
Me:     No…cos i know you won’t call back, just like you said you’ll call me back the other time and              you didn’t…
Him:    I would…
Me:     Okay…bye
Him:   Bye..

He didn’t call me back…i called him again…

Me:    Hello, you said you will call me back but you didn’t..
Him: Hee hee…sorry…I’ve just reached office..
Me:    Are you free over the weekends?? Can we meet up??
Him: I’m sorry…there is a gathering on Saturday and on Sunday my cousin is getting married..
Me:    Oh…ok…
Him: Hmm…need to work now…let’s communicate though emails…
Me:    Ok
Him: Bye..

i was really hoping to be able to meet up with him over the weekends as Sunday is my birthday..has he forgotten about it already??

We chatted for quite a bit through emails….i sensed that he has moved on already…i kept apologizing for the fact that i’ve hurt him (something that i always do ever since the breakup)…and he kept telling me…"Don’t be too harsh on yourself, I’m also at fault that things didn’t work out."..
Honestly, it is a struggle to hold back my tears in the office while emailing him…there is so much to tell him…but i guess it’s too late already…sob sob…
It’s all my fault….but i really was glad that he replied my emails and answered my calls…i think he is so kind towards me despite what i’ve done to him…
i wonder what will happen to me after this…should i move on?? a part of me really doesn’t want to…yet a part of me is telling me to…cos it’s hurting too much…but even if i want to…will i be able to?? everything i see and everywhere i go reminds me of him…
Is it loneliness that i am feeling which cos me to miss him so much?? i do not know…i do not seems to know anything anymore…
sob sob…

Yeah!!! i’ve passed my driving test…after 35 lessons including 5 circuits, i’ve managed to pass my driving test in my first attempt..thank God…

i was so nervous before the test took place….i was practically in cold sweat and really felt like crying…all my guy friends told me that i’m not gonna make it in my first attempt…however, i’ve proved them wrong…
haha..i’m just a born Formula1 driver…

Anyone interested in learning driving…feel free to ask me for my instructor’s contact no.
i honestly think that he is great…patient guy…very experienced…

I’ve realised…never let a woman shop alone…cos she will end up buying loads of stuffs there were not listed on her shopping list…
Today i’ve planned to get to Queensway to grab a pair of new trainers for myself…after walking for about an hour and a half…i found myself buying the following things that were not intended at the first place!!!

1. Echo Perfume from Davidoff

    2.    FBT jogging shorts

    3.    A new set of Bikini

    4.    Hair Mask from Sebastian

After buying all of the above, i realised that i’m running out of time…cos i am suppose to be meeting Kaiwei for a swim at Yishun SAFRA…damn..
Therefore, i end up buying a pair of Crossing Training Shoes from Nike in a rush..it took me about 10 mins to decide upon buying that shoes…haha..

See what i mean by never allowing a woman to shop on her own!!!!    

i wanna get married!!!
This may sounds like i’m desperate…but after attending church service today…
i really really have the urge to just get married…of course…at this point of my life..there isn’t anyone i could get married to…
Today…pastor was preaching about intimacy in marriage…well…he has been preaching a series of "Making Your Marriage Work" sermons over the past few weeks…and every week after listening to his sermon, i ponder over my past failed relationships and asked myself…why didn’t things work out the way i hope it would…
There are those relationships that didn’t work out because my partner didn’t make the extra effort to work things out with me…and there are also those that i was the one not loving my partner the right way…taking things for granted and hurting them in ways that i really regret now..
Tomorrow is the finale of the entire "Making Your Marriage Work" sermon…and i’ll have to admit that i’ve learnt alot through these few weeks sermon…and i hope that i would be able to apply what i’ve learnt..
Honestly, a part of me really desire to fall completely in love again…and if i do…i would really want to make that extra effort to make things work out and ultimately walk down the aisle with MR RIGHT and live happily ever after…
However, i do not want to rush into yet another relationship with just any other guy and get hurt all over again…
I believe that my God loves me…and He will lead me to MR RIGHT…and i know that my God loves me and wanna bless me with a happy marriage…it may takes a couple of years or even longer to find that right person whom i can entrust the rest of my life to…
This time round…i wanna learn to be patient in finding MR RIGHT…and i want God to lead me to that person…
i know that i’ll definitely be blessed with a happy marriage cos my God loves me so much that He wants to bless me with the best…not the good but the best…

For those who wanna make their marriage work or even their relationship with their boy/girlfriend works…i strongly recommend  you to watch the online sermon and experience the wonderful preaching…cos i believe that it will definitely helps you in making your relationship with your loved ones work..

http://www.chc.org.sg/english/video_sermons/index.cfm