ihavepmsagain

Please give me some feedback….is the new look of the blog better than the previous one??

ok the fact is….IT’S NOT WORKING!!!! and the worse thing is that i kept throwing my temper towards my superviser Marc!!! argh…thank God that he is a very nice and patient person….

tomorrow i’m gonna try to be happy again and definitely need to control my temper more…

wish me luck….

Feeling: Emotionless

came home today feeling great again but my dad has to spoilt it all!!! he said that how come i didn’t give him more $$$….i was suppose to give him 1,000bucks for 2 months for his China trip with my mom…however, since my mom is unable to obtain leave during that period, my dad is going with his brother instead so i thought i should give him 600bucks (the usual amount that i give) instead…

therefore, i explain to him why….and i said that i have already given this month allowance to my mom….and he said that in Dec i went for a short trip i didn’t give him allowance and he is now damn unhappy as if i’ve failed my duty as a daughter…but i’ve already told him in Dec that i wouldn’t be giving his allowance for that month cos i’m going overseas for holiday and i may not have enough $$ for myself….

how much is enough….why no matter how much i tried to contribute…my parents always think it’s not enough and is never happy with me no matter what i do….

Feeling: Disappointed

today my colleagues and i decided to go for a massage together at Amore….currently they are having a special package that cost only S$88.00 for 2 massage session….it has been years since i last had my massage…in fact it’s the 2nd massage i had in my entire life….man it feels good…relaxing and nice….

after a relaxing massage…we head down to a Brazilian restaurant at Bukit Timah for a lovely Brazilian buffet….basically there are chucks and chucks of meat…it’s a great place for meat lovers….i felt so full after the dinner…i had salad, pasta, mushrooms, fish, beef, mutton, chicken, pork and sauagues….i feel like a pig….haha…as usual the one who ate the most was our beloved JC…can’t imagine how much food can her stomach actually hold!!!! after such a full dinner…she even suggested we should have ice-cream….man this woman is DANGEROUS!!!!!

Feeling: Fat

as he is a photographer…as usual…i’m his free model again…well not exactly…just that he likes to take photos so much so that he took a few shots of me again today…sigh…and he told me something that i was shocked…

He said,"You used to smile better in secondary school, somehow you have lost that smile."

……..

sometimes i don’t understand it myself….fuck….what good am i in this world….i am just a useless person taking up the precious space in this world….

i know i have a problem….and i’m scared….i think my problem is too overwhelming for me at times….and i do not want my problem to be others problem as well….

What have i done wrong??

Am I destined not to be love nor to love someone the right way??

Someone tells me please….

why is it that it always end up this way when i love a person….

am i that irritating??

am i not good enough??

why does it seems that there is no more to say when there used to be endless conversations??

why is it that the best way to ease my pain is actually the worse way available??

Hongde playing with his new Coffee Bean Grinder..

He simply can’t get enough of his new gadget…

My new Spainsh book that Hongde got me from his last Hongkong trip and my favourite Hot Chocolate…

http://www.berlitzbooks.com/catalog/resources/hidethisbook.htm

Feeling: Nice meeting an old friend

it’s not exactly because it’s RAIN that grabded my attention…nor his masculine figure….but i love it for the colour combination…love the way the photo is shot…..love the underlying concept beneath this picture….

P.S: This is my wallpaper on my office PC and my laptop for the moment…

Listen

To the song here in my heart

A melody I start but can’t complete

Listen

To the sound from deep within

Its only beginning to find release

Ohh the time has come for my dreams to be heard

They will not be pushed aside and turned

Into your own, all ’cause you won’t listen

[chorus]

* Listen

I am alone at a crossroads

I’m not at home in my own home

And I’ve tried and tried

To say whats on my mind You should have known

Now I’m done believing you

You don’t know what I’m feeling

I’m more than what You’ve made of me

I followed the voice, you gave to me

But now I’ve gotta find my own

You should have listened *

There was someone here inside

Someone I thought had died So long ago

Oh I’m screaming out And my dreams will be heard

They will not be pushed aside or turned into your own

All ’cause you won’t listen

[chorus]

Listen

I am alone at a crossroads

I’m not at home in my own home

And I’ve tried and tried

To say whats on my mind You should have known

Now I’m done believing you

You don’t know what I’m feeling

I’m more than what You’ve made of me

I followed the voice, you gave to me

But now I’ve gotta find my own

You should have listened

I don’t know where I belong

But I’ll be moving on

If you don’t, if you won’t

Listen

To the song here in my heart

A melody I start, but I will complete

Now I am done believing you

You don’t know not what I am feeling

I’m more than what you’ve made of me

I followed the voice you think you gave to me

But now I got to find my own - my own

Song: Listen by Beyonce (Such a talented singer)